The Lake Of Goodbyes
by JustYourAverageWhovian
Summary: When Merlin, Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table make camp alongside the lake where both Freya and Lancelot died, how does Merlin react? What will happen when Merlin tells his friends of Lancelot's burial and his love of Freya? Cue protective, adorable knights and apologetic Arthur. Merlin/Freya and a hint of Arthur/Gwen. Sad, but rather cute.


Hello! This little plot bunny decided to trot into my head at work today, and I just had to write it! It's just a one shot, I've always been interested to see what the Knights of the Round Table would think if they learnt of Merlin and his relationship with Freya and Lancelot. So here we have a lovely sappy, slightly sad one shot. See you at the bottom! Post season 4.

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The day had been very kind to the knights, their king Arthur and his manservant Merlin. The three day hunting trip had been very successful and the weather had been perfect. As the sun was setting behind the picture perfect hills of Camelot, Arthur Pendragon suggested they find somewhere to rest nearby. His manservant *cough*friend*cough* said nothing. In fact he hadn't said much in while, as he was too busy in his own thoughts, praying to every god imaginable.

_Please not here, anywhere but here._

Only moments ago, Merlin was struck by how familiar the area was. And it was only then, was Arthur lead the group through a gap in the trees, did he completely register. Noticing how everyone had gone silent, he glanced up, hoping nobody would notice the drastic pale colour he was now supporting. They were standing in front of a lake. _The_ lake. The lake where _they_ were. Where Merlin had had to say goodbye to his first love and his best friend.

"Wow." Percival breathed. For a man of few words, he had managed to summon up what everyone – bar Merlin – had been thinking in one single solitary word.

"Uh –huh." Agreed Gwaine, nodding and taking a swig from his waterskin. Not that it had water in it.

"I think it's perfect to make camp by. Everyone agree?" Arthur smiled, looking rather proud of himself. The knights all nodded eagerly in agreement. "Merlin, can you fetch the- Merlin?" The king looked around, searching for his missing manservant. "Where has he wondered off to?"

"I'm here, I was just having a rest." Said a quiet voice from behind the knights. Everyone turned round to see Merlin sitting on a log, his head in his hands. Really, he had been desperately trying to calm his quick, shallow breathing before anyone noticed him hyperventilating. "I'll go get the things from the horses now." Before any of the other members of the group could say anything, Merlin stood up, stretched (for good measure) and trotted off in the direction of the horses. The knights and Arthur shared a look of confusion before setting up an area for them to sleep.

"I'll go and help Merlin, he'll have to make a couple of trips otherwise." Elyan announced, before jogging off in the general direction the Merlin had gone. He slowed to stop near the horses when he heard someone breathing, quickly. He walked slowly towards the horses only to see that the _someone_ was Merlin, kneeling near the feet of one of the horses, rocking back and forth with his forehead resting on his knees. "Merlin? Are you all right?" He asked, walking over and placing a hand on the young man's shoulder affectionately. Merlin jumped and stood up, wiping his eyes before looking at his friend. "What's wrong?"

"I- I'm fine Elyan," He stuttered, moving to pull some of the kit off the horse, "Really, I am. I'm just tired, it's been a long day." Elyan frowned, unconvinced.

"Are you sure?" Merlin nodded. "Okay then, I'll help you carry these, you get some of the pheasants for dinner and I'll get all this back to camp." Merlin opened his mouth, as if to object, but Elyan put his hand up. "No, you're clearly over-tired, it's fine."

On arriving back at camp, The other knights raised their eyebrows at Elyan, who simply shrugged and sat down. He gestured for them to come closer before saying, in a whisper,

"I went to find Merlin, he was sitting on the floor, he was either crying or hyperventilating, I couldn't tell the difference." This raised some eyebrows, "Don't say anything to him. I don't think he'd like you lot knowing."

"I wonder what's wrong?" Leon asked, while watching Merlin appear from the trees with the pheasants. Arthur followed Leon's gaze and instantly regretted it. Merlin's eyes were red from crying, but he was clearly trying to act as if nothing was wrong. Proving Arthur's thoughts to be correct, Merlin then sat down near the campfire in the middle of the circle they had created and said cheerily announced,

"Right, dinner!" He grinned up at his elder brother figures with a grin that didn't reach his eyes before gesturing to the two pheasants. "Who fancies stew?" Much to everyone's confusion, Gwaine then perked up and sat down next to Merlin.

"I'll make the stew tonight mate," He smiled at Merlin's incredulous expression and clapped his friend on the back before gesturing to the lakeside. "Why don't you wash yourself up and then fetch some firewood?" At this Merlin froze and turned even paler.

_No, no way. I can't bathe in there. No way. _

Merlin looked up at the other men, who were watching him with worried eyes before getting up, tripping on the logs Gwaine had previously been sitting on and landing flat on his face on the floor. This seemed to brighten the mood slightly, as Elyan, Leon, Percival, Gwaine and Arthur all chuckled good naturedly. Merlin, on the other hand, just got up, scowled and stormed off into the woods.

After half an hour of Merlin searching for firewood and Gwaine trying (and failing) to cook. Everyone tucked into their dinner.

"I think you should leave the cooking to Merlin from now on Gwaine, I can't say it's your best talent." Leon laughed, remembering how Gwaine had struggled to make their dinner before Merlin had stepped in. Everyone around the campfire chuckled in agreement. Arthur turned to where Merlin had sat himself, a fair distance away from the group. He was looking over the lake with glassy eyes, not even touching his food.

"Come on _Mer_lin, you can come and sit by us. Gwaine hasn't taken his socks off just yet." Another laugh erupted from the circle and everyone turned to Merlin, who hadn't reacted to what Arthur had said.

"Sit by us Merlin, you're worrying us!" Leon smiled warmly and patted the empty seat next to him. Merlin turned to look at the knights, all watching him eagerly like puppies.

_My brothers. _Merlin thought. _Lancelot had been like a brother to me too. But he had died, because I couldn't do my job properly._ He stole another glance at the happy men he'd grown to love like brothers. _How many of them are yet to die, because I can't do my simple job?_

Merlin stood up and walked slowly towards where Leon sat. They all cheered and clapped Merlin on the back as he sat down, eager for him to feel better. When the chatter had died down, Arthur looked straight at Merlin, who, like before, was staring just over Arthur's shoulder to the lake.

"So, what's bothering you Merlin?" He asked, rather bluntly. The other knights shot him an angry look. "I mean, you haven't been yourself. Dare I say it, I'm missing your normal banter. As nonsense-full as it was." He smiled at Merlin, who was now looking at him like he'd grown another head.

"I- I..um.." Merlin scrabbled about in his brain, looking desperately around for some excuse, some reason other than the truth.

_Anything but the truth._

"We're waiting _Mer_lin..." Arthur had barely finished his sentence before Merlin cut in.

"I'm just worried because this place seems to pretty and I don't know I just feel like we're walking into a trap, these past few days have gone too well, not a bandit in sight, no magical creature attacking us, it just seems suspicious that's all." Merlin bit his tongue, desperate to control his blabbering. Arthur's eyebrows shot into the air.

"You know you're an awful liar Merlin. Do I have to spell it out to you? What. Is. Wrong." Arthur said, dragging out the last few words.

"Mate, if there's anything wrong, you can tell us. We're your friends." Gwaine reached over and patted Merlin's knee awkwardly. Merlin looked at each of the knights in turn, Leon's concerned frown, Elyan's confused grimace, Gwaine's caring grin, Arthur's raised eyebrows and Percival's agreeing smile.

_Lancelot was one of them too. They'd want to know. _

"I..." Merlin began, but his voice was choked by the lump forming in his throat. His friends all looked up, listening, waiting. "Two people, urm, who meant a lot to me, when they died, I..I brought their bodies here to hold a burial for them." The knight's mouths hung open in shock, they had not been expecting that. Arthur, on the other hand, frowned, unable to remember a time where Merlin had left to bury someone important. He never _looked_ like he'd lost someone important.

"Who?" Arthur whispered, secretly angry that he'd let himself miss something as important as his friend losing a loved one. _Two _loved ones.

"One of them.." Merlin took a deep breath and spoke again, more confident. "One of them was Lancelot." This caused mixed reactions. Leon and Arthur scowled while Elyan, Gwaine and Percival sighed sadly. "You told me to give him a... a proper burial, remember?" Arthur nodded, unable to speak. "So I did. I made him a pyre and set it into the lake, on fire. There was only me there." Merlin realised at this point there were tears rolling down his cheeks, he rubbed them off quickly.

"No man is worth your tears Merlin." Arthur said quietly. Merlin felt anger and frustration bubble up inside of him.

"Lancelot was!" Merlin shouted, startling the other members of the campfire. "He was." He repeated. "Lancelot was a good man. He gave his life up to save Camelot, to save us. And then, and then..." Merlin couldn't continue. The horror that Morgana had brought Lancelot back stayed with him and more anger was released by him thumping the log underneath him. Arthur misunderstood Merlin's frustration.

"Merlin we understand how you feel. It was hard for us all, first seeing that he was back then...What he did. It was hard for us all, and impossible to understand why he would do such a...dishonourable thing." Arthur said soothingly, more for himself than for Merlin.

"You're wrong. You're wrong. Lancelot didn't do that. It wasn't Lancelot. Lancelot would never do anything like that."

"What do you mean?" Elyan asked, cocking his head to one side.

"It. Wasn't. Lancelot." Merlin repeated with gritted teeth. "Someone..some disgusting evil person brought him back to life with dark magic. He was a Shade. He wasn't himself." He wiped another tear from his cheek as the knights watched him, waiting for him to continue, to explain what had happened. "That witch, _Morgana_," He spat her name out, like dirt. "She was controlling him. He had no power, he wasn't Lancelot."

"Why would Morgana bring Lancelot of all people back from the dead?" Gwaine muttered, believing Merlin's story without the shadow of a doubt.

"Why do you think?" Merlin said dryly. "Why else would Morgana bring Lancelot back, on the eve of Gwen and Arthur's wedding?" Leon sucked in a quick breath and Percival's eyes widen to the size of saucers. "To separate Gwen and Arthur. Morgana didn't want Gwen to be Queen." Silence settled on the group of men, as they eached mulled over this new information.

"That doesn't change what Gwen did though." Arthur said, looking at Merlin sadly.

"No it doesn't," Merlin agreed, shaking his head. "But it's just, I didn't like the idea of Lancelot dying and his good name being stained. He was my best friend... and Morgana brought him back. Treated him like a slave." Merlin's voice finally broke and silent tears racked his body. Percival wasted no time in reaching over to Merlin and pulling him into a bear hug. Arthur found himself smiling at the pair sadly. They stayed that way for some time, before Merlin got up and walked towards the lake side and sat down. The other knights followed him unwaveringly and stood, staring out onto the lake. Once again a silence cascaded down onto the group, before Gwaine walked and sat next to Merlin putting his arm around him. They all followed suit, gathering around Merlin.

"Merlin, you said before, that you held a burial for _two _people...who was the other one?" Gwaine asked quietly, "You don't have to tell us if you don't want to mate, we're not forcing you to tell us anything you don't want to."

"No, no it's okay. I'll..I'll tell you." Merlin gulped and looked down at his hands, hands that had once held hers. He felt another load of tears pour down into his eyes and onto his face before he said,

"Her name was Freya." Five pairs of eyebrows shot skyward.

"You didn't tell me you had a _girlfriend _Merlin!" Arthur spluttered, the surprise getting the better of him.

"I don't anymore." Merlin said solemly. Arthur reached out and held his shoulder and looked into his eyes.

"What was she like?" The dam broke, all the feelings, frustrations, the need to tell someone, _anyone _about her came rushing through.

"She was amazing. Beautiful. Had the most amazing eyes." Merlin smiled, a real, pure smile. "She understood me, I understood her, but she..she was a druid." Merlin waited for an interruption, but none came. "A bounty hunter came to Camelot a while back, she was trapped. I..I had to help her. I helped her escape then hid her in the underground catacombs. I looked after her, got her food and water, and clothes. I...I loved her." A sob escaped his lips and someone's hand pat him affectionately on the back. "She told me about how she wanted to live somewhere like where she used to live, with mountains, trees and a lake. I was going to go with her, run away with her." He looked up at Arthur who looked mildly hurt and shrugged his shoulders apologetically.

"Why didn't you? What happened?" Elyan asked, frowning.

"She was cursed. When she was younger, she was attacked by a sorcerer and killed him in self defence. After the mother found out, she cursed Freya to turn into a Bastet at night and kill. She couldn't control it." Arthur gasped, remembering the bastet he had killed, all those years ago. It was beyond a coincidence. Leon too made the connection and paled.

"Merlin." Arthur croaked, a hand over his mouth. The realisation of what he had done settled upon him.

"What?" Gwaine looked between Leon, Arthur and Merlin. "What happened?"

"She turned into a bastet one night but she couldn't escape Camelot's knights." Merlin looked calmly into Arthur's eyes.

"I killed her didn't I?" Arthur whispered. Gwaine turned to look at Arthur so quickly his neck clicked.

"It wasn't your fault. You weren't to know. You were protecting Camelot." Merlin said, nodding. "I held her burial here." Merlin glanced up at the lake.

"Merlin...I'm so sorry. If I'd have known, we would've found a way, I'm so sorry." Merlin watched Arthur apologising, startled. He had never seen Arthur apologise this much in one go. One by one, the knights got up, leaving Arthur and Merlin alone. Merlin placed a hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault Arthur. I don't hold it against you. Please believe me." Arthur was shaking his head. Merlin almost told him about seeing her in the water the Fisher King gave him, but that would rise to many questions.

Nearer to the camp, the other knights were sitting, watching Arthur and Merlin share one of their far too rare hugs.

"I can't believe it." Percival said, shaking his head.

"Me neither. They never hug!" Gwaine said.

"Not about that you prat." Elyan slapped Gwaine. "Who knew Merlin had so much grief hidden inside him?"

"None of us guessed." Leon said, "We spend so much time with him, but we never even noticed."

And with one look, the knights made an unspoken promise to never again let their friend's grief pass their notice.

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Did you like that? I did, I'm pleased with how it came out anyway :) Please review, I love to hear everybody's opinion! Please check out my other story, 'Hidden in Plain Sight.' And my new youtube channel where I talk about Merlin a bit too much! It's 'bethatemycookies'.


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